I pondered how to start this blog, and I think that I would like to share with you my family's own history with bullying along with some sobering statistics.
My daughter has always been a very sensitive and empathetic child. When she was in 1st grade and began complaining of "tummy aches" after school, my husband and I thought that perhaps she had a stomach bug. As the mysterious after-school tummy ache waxed and waned over a few weeks, a trip to her pediatrician was in order. The tummy ache was chalked up to her dairy allergy, although our daughter denied eating any offending foods. We were extra cautious with her diet but the tummy aches continued. When the tummy aches started to happen in the car on the way to school every morning, I knew that there had to be some other explanation.
My daughter consistently denied that anything was wrong at school, and not wanting to upset her further I did not press the issue for a few days. One morning however, she was close to tears because of the tummy ache. After some quick thinking, I pulled up to the school and told my daughter something that I remembered from when she was a "little kid in preschool." I told her about the times that I remembered her getting tummy aches when she was nervous or worried about something. I reminded her about the time that the class went on pony rides, and how her tummy hurt until she got up on the pony and started to have fun. I also reminded her of the time that her teacher called to tell me that she had grabbed a stick on the playground and ended up with a 1/2 inch splinter in her hand. When I got to the school to pick her up, she was in tears not because of the giant splinter in her skin, but because of a tummy ache! As soon as that splinter was out of her hand, the tummy ache went away.
So sitting in the car in front of her elementary school that morning, I asked her if we could "pretend to be detectives" for a moment and gather clues about the tummy aches that she was suffering from right after and on the way to school every day. She thought real hard about it, then in a rush of tears proceeded to tell me about the "2 big kids that tease and shove" in the after-school care program every day. That wasn't all- these older bullies had threatened retribution if she told anyone that they were picking on her. I was horrified! Not only was she suffering physically and mentally at the hands of her peers, I realized that I had no clue how to go about dealing with bullying in an effective way! My years of training as a counselor had not specifically prepared me to handle this kind of situation, so there began my education in how to help empower kids to deal with bullies.
Handling the situation with my daughter took hard work, time, and patience. I can happily report that she has been "bully-free" since, and I've even overheard her sharing her own strategies for how to deal with teasing and bullying with some of her neighborhood buddies! She is still the sweet, sensitive girl that she always was. She also seems to stand up a little taller, and is more outgoing with her peers. I was even told by her teachers that she seemed to "come out of her shell." I can breathe a sigh of relief now, and I am confident that she owns the skills that she needs to handle bullies, and that she knows it!
When asked, most parents will report that they care about bullying. But most parents don't realize the statistics behind the act of bullying, and that most odds point to their children being involved in bullying at school in some way.
According to the National Education Association (1995), an estimated 160,000 children miss school every day because of fear of intimidation or attack by other students. Victims of bullying are more likely to suffer from physical problems like colds and coughs, sore throat, poor sleep, and poor appetite (Oklahoma Health Department, 2001.)
A 2002 Families and Work Institute National Survey of Students in Grades 5-12 reports that 66% of youth are teased at least once per month, and that nearly 1/3 of youth report being bullied at least once per month. Six out of ten American teenagers witness bullying at least once per day (National Crime Prevention Council, 2003.)
So as shocking as these statistics seem, most of us can think back to our own childhood and recall experiences with bullies in some way, either as the target, a witness to bullying, or even as the bully.
I plan on sharing more stories and statistics, but the goal that I have in mind is to use this blog to share strategies and information on how to empower kids to deal with bullies. It is teaching and guiding them wisely that will help to "grow" more resourceful and self-confident young adults.
Have a peaceful and relaxing weekend.
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