North Carolina senate passes anti-bullying bill!

Anti-bullying bill clears a major hurdle in North Carolina- the bill was passed by the state senate, and is a step in the right direction! The bill would require that any school employee who witnesses bullying or harassment of any kind, or who has information about such incidents, must report to school authorities.

Read more about this proposal here.

Summer Classes

Yes! I'm happy to launch Peak Zone Kids! Please visit the website:

www.PeakZoneKids.com

Thanks! And more on bully busting in the next day or two...

Bullied kids more likely to become psychotic preteens.

A recent Medscape article relates new research on children who are traumatized by bullying. You can read the press version at this site. Please note that you must sign into Medscape to have access to the article. I will summarize later. Thank you Lynda for this information. Just another reminder that many kids don't "outgrow" the trauma of being bullied!

Now what?

I've been thinking about the different kinds of "bullying" struggles that kids and parents have described to me over the years. A friend of mine mentioned that "bullying" may be too strong a word- that many people don't associate some of the behaviors that are defined as "bullying" by that word, therefore parents and others may be more likely to brush off the idea that their children are dealing with a serious problem (or could be a source of a serious problem.)

So whether or not the issue is stereotypical "bullying" (shoving, pushing, threatening, etc.) or a more subtle form of "bullying" (exclusion, repeated teasing to the point of causing distress, gossiping, rumor-spreading with the intent to cause distress), there are usual ways that kids respond, and things that parents can do to empower children to find a solution.

Kids respond to bullying in stages. The first response may be to tell the adult-in-charge (such as a teacher) that they are having a problem with another child. Ideally, an adult-in-charge will critically assess the situation and take steps to prevent further bullying behavior, using appropriate channels of communication with all involved children, parents, and school staff. Ideally, the entire system that involves the inappropriate behavior is addressed quickly and from many different angles.

Sometimes the adult-in-charge does not respond quickly, or they respond inappropriately. (I have heard many complaints from children that I counsel that when they try to involve the teachers or chaperones, they are frowned upon for "tattling" on another child. While it is possible that this is the case, assessment must be made and action taken if necessary.)

Whether the child just perceives that the adult is inaccessible, or whether the adult truly does not want or know how to deal with bullying behaviors, the end result is the same: a child who is being bullied (in any of the above-mentioned forms) does not feel like they are in a safe environment. Physiologically, they begin to spend longer periods of time "parking" in the stress response. Long-term "fight-or-flight" (stress response) can be detrimental to health. Stress is an important modulator of brain function, and prolonged stress can have serious consequences, especially regarding the brain's ability to remember and learn.

More on stress and the brain here.

If a bullying situation is not resolved, children may try to stand up for themselves. This can lead to the bullied child trying to use the same inappropriate behaviors on the bully. Name-calling, pushing, shoving, etc. can backfire. The "bully" continues to get his or her reward- they continue to get a response, and the bullying behavior continues.

So, what can we do? Many, many things can be done. First, adults must be educated! In the links section of this blog you will find some very good educational websites related to recognizing "bullying" behaviors as well as how to address those behaviors. We must keep in mind that any of these "bullying" behaviors which cause a child distress require critical assessment and some type of intervention. I will post more about different kinds of intervention, but I want to point out that one of the best things that we can do is give our kids the gift of learning how to be assertive. Yes, even kids who are naturally shy can also be assertive if they need to be!

Assertiveness means standing up for yourself in an appropriate way, not getting your way all of the time. It is about expressing your needs without disrespect, and feeling like the environment is safe enough to express those needs!

That being said, the assertive child best responds to bullying by NOT RESPONDING! Strange, huh? Not really, but I will blog about this later.

Excellent website about teaching kids to be assertive here.

As always, hope you have a wonderful day!

Something to ponder this weekend...

Success in the affairs of life often serves to hide one's abilities, whereas adversity frequently gives one an opportunity to discover them.

-Horace

It might be interesting to inspect those situations where we (ourselves, our family members) face difficulty, and look for what is right within adversity. What strengths do we draw from that we may not be aware of? Practice looking for what is "right" in how you deal with tough situations instead of looking for what you are doing that is "wrong."

That is all. Have a lovely weekend!

Tonight on CNN

Just tuned into Anderson Cooper on CNN for some late night television, and the Live topic of the evening is bullying in American schools. Very insightful reporting. You can catch it right now (9:45pm central) or on the AC360 site.

Good night!

What exactly is bullying?

As I search the web looking for a concise definition of "bullying", I find that there really isn't a nice, specific definition. Of course, Merriam-Webster defines bullying as 1. to treat abusively, or 2. to affect by means of force or coercion. These definitions are specific, but don't really seem to fully convey the potential of the word. Bullying is what Merriam-Webster defines it to be, as well as all of those subtleties that our own experiences define it to be.

My own experience reminds me that bullying can be physical in nature: pushing, shoving, pinching, subtly walking past another person and "accidentally" bumping into them. Bullying can be social in nature: exclusion, gossip, verbal taunts, or badmouthing another person. A more recent form of bullying has made the press lately: cyber-bullying (I refer to it as "the online beast!") which takes many forms, and is found on many social network sites that kids and teens frequent.

So, my journey today has taken me to another favorite online haunt: Wikipedia. I recommend checking out this thoughtful definition put together by many people, because it seems to best describe the different kinds of environments and situations in which people find themselves subjected to bullying. I also encourage each of you to reach into your own grab-bag of experience with bullying and think about what it means to you.

I hope this week starts out nicely for you all, and remember...

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. -Eleanor Roosevelt